AOA FILES : ArT oF aBsTrAcT
by glomp-meister
Summary: No one is perfect, perfection is just too cruel, or at least, that is what I say, of course though, when in doubt, 57.


Disclaimer: Unless I am mistaken, Soul Eater is still not mine. I suppose you people who want Death the Kidd still innocent are happy… (NO I DID NOT MEAN THAT IN A NASTY WAY!)

"So… you want to be my meister?"

"Why else would I be here?"

"IDIOT!!!" the cute but annoying penguin shaped weapon whacked to girl on the nose with his cane, "Answer my questions properly! And if you want to become my meister, you must fill out these forms! Now, listen up."

"…umm…ummm…ummmm…ummmmm…umm-"

"IDIOT! DO YOU WANT TO DIE! STOP INTERUPTING ME!" the legendary sword, commonly known as Excalibur, or the annoying twit, sighed before continuing, "Pick any number between 1 to 12."

"57"

"I SAID 1 TO 12!"

The silver haired girl adopted an expression of a pig, all the while looking down at the angry 'penguin', "My grandma says, that when in doubt… answer 57."

Excalibur fumed silently for a couple seconds, his heated glare came off as a child's pout, given the cute cartoon zoo animal looks that he had, "… just say 12."

"12"

"My legend begins in the 12th century-"

"Yea, yea, yea… anyhow, done filling the form." She grinned deviously, a shadow cast over her eyes.

"Ugh… what are you doin-AHHHHHHHHHHH" it was unfortunate, Excalibur had gained what he wanted all these years, for someone to wield him… just not this girl. Turns out, she just grabbed him and ran for it. The fairy who so-called guarded the entrance was nonetheless, extremely happy and tremendously overjoyed.

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.

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"Soul… Soul?" a certain twin tailed girl tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for her weapon to finally wake up.

"Ei ee wan goo" of course no one could hear him with the pillow over his face and the drool dripping onto the comforter.

"…up, now."

"… neee…" the pillow was still over his face.

"MAKA..." she raised her hand in a karate fashion while holding what seems to be a mega-ton Oxford Encyclopedia 2000 Edition, "CHOP!"

Screams of pain and terror echoed though the bustling streets of Death City.

"Alright… today, we are going to dissect a frog." Mr. Franken-Stein announced, holding up a still alive and squirming frog in his hand.

"Ummmm… that frog is alive, Sir." Maka winced as the frog tried to escape in vain.

His eyes flickered up for a moment before continuing to strap the frog onto the board, with out a trace of emotion he replied, "So? Does it bother you?"

A large bead of sweat rolled down her forehead, "Yes, it does."

"Too bad, if you do not participate in this activity, you fail and you have to repeat."

Maka's eyes bulged out at this comment.

"This is so uncool…" her weapon, Soul Eater Evans scowled.

"I don't want to do this. The frog is disgusting, so asymmetrical." the OCD boy or Death the Kidd, commonly referred to as Kidd stared down at the frog in front of him, "It has 7 bumps…7!!!"

"SO? YOU HAVE THREE STUPID STRIPES ON YOUR SUCKY HAIR! ANYWAY, I AM THE ALL-MIGHTY BLACK * STAR! WHO CARES ABOUT A STUPID FROG, I WILL BEAT ALL OF YOU UP! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Black*Star well…yelled, somehow, he was standing on top of the tables.

"What the hell?" all eyes turned to a silver haired girl standing at the door way, clad in a gothic Lolita dress and eye pattern arm warmers.

"… symmetrical…"

"Who wears that anyway? So not cool."

"H-hello… Black*Star, get off the table, p-please?"

"Welcome to Shibusen! I'm Maka Albarn."

"Another rival? I will best you in marks!"

"Tch."

"I'M THE BEST!"

"Hey."

"Eh?"

"Eh?"

"Ignore all of them, more importantly; we need to get you clothes."

"Look! A giraffe!"

"… I can see that she's rich… the dress is 100% silk, and her shoes are the newest, top-of-the-line handcrafted, Italian leather, Prada."

"A new student?"

SQUELSH…

Everybody's [Kidd, Soul, Tsubaki, Maka, Ox, Harvard, Black*Star, Kilik, Fire and Thunder, Liz, Patty, Kim, Jacqueline (all respectively to their "Welcome")] head turned to Professor Stein, where he had cleanly chopped of the poor frog's head with his trusty scalpel, "Why was I not notified of this earlier?"

The girl cocked her head to the side, raising a finger to her lips, pouting, she said, "Oh, that's 'cause my partner was being uncooperative. So I chained him up, he won't be bothering us, don' cha think?"

As if on cue, everyone shuddered and thought stimulously, 'Don't say that kind of morbid thing with such an innocent look… you will remind us of Nougami Neuro and Raito Yagami (Light)…'

"Well then, introduce yourself."

"Hello everyone!" the girl grinned and gave a small wave before continuing, "My name is Yukiyo Imaru! And this is my cute little weapon… actually, I'm sure he would want to introduce himself, so wait a moment would ya?" she tugged on the chains and pulled out a medieval styled sword. The reactions were immediate.

Both Black*Star and Kidd gave what is, for a lack of a better word, an Excalibur face. Everyone else stared in awe, only heroes could wield Excalibur.

"Hello! Ah, Black*Star and Kidd, you did not come to my Reading session! I was looking forward to seeing you so very much, how unfortunate. Come next time, would you? YOU!" the "penguin" pointed at Stein, "Pick a number between 1 and 12!"

"… Die." Stein's face had also contorted to an Excalibur face as he lunged to kill the talkative weapon.

"WAHHH! STOP IT! I HATE DICK-HEADS LIKE YOU!" Miss Imaru stood in front of Stein bashing her fists on his bolt repeatedly, "STOP HURTING EXCALIBUR-BUN-BUN!"

"Bun-Bun?" Stein questioned, the sword looked pretty smug, and chortling as Stein had to deal with his meister.

"I think we should start over." Maka Albarn now had a heavy book in her hand, lock and load.

"Yea, we should." Her weapon agreed.

"… alright."

A slight tapping was heard though the oak doors. The teacher, Stein looked up from his book and nodded to a certain bovine boy, "If you please, Ox?"

"My pleasure!" Ox went to open the door, only to have it kicked down by some incredible force of discovery.

Somehow or another, Yukiyo was now standing in front of the teacher's desk, one foot on what used to be a frog and a lit cigar in her mouth, "What the hell is up with this atmosphere? You Shibusen bastards… this kind of warm welcome is only subject to shoujo mangas with family settings, that and Hayate no Gotoku (Hayate the Combat Butler). You! Who the hell do you think you are? I'll have you know that the pirate thing from Jump is gonna kill ya! That and Viz Media is gonna be after ya too! IDIOT MURSE!"

The class could only stare in shock, what the heck was wrong with this girl?

"Is… is t-that my cigarette?"

"Yea… so?"

Without speaking, he plucked the cancer stick from her mouth, "You shouldn't smoke, you'll get lung cancer."

"… so? In my country, everyone smokes. Daddy, Mommy, Granny, Pappy, and the old lady with the cats next-door." she paused, "Hey! Won't you get lung cancer too? Anyhow, I won't get sick! Can you guess why?"

"… because you're an idiot?" Soul grinned, this was too easy.

"YEA BABY, YOU'RE RIGHT!" Yukiyo whipped around, giving a thumbs up in his direction.

"Ughhhh…"

The class lapsed into silence, this new student was too much, WAYY too much.

"Sorry, sorry!" a zombie rushed into the classroom, grabbing onto a young man around 18, "I forgot to check him in!"

A shadow cast over Stein's face and he growled, "Sid, can't you see that I have my hands full already?"

"Yukiyo stop. Excalibur, get out of the corner, it is reserved for that deranged child of Witch Medusa." the man spoke fluidly, releasing himself from Sid the Zombie.

Both said figures looked up, the girl flew with rapid speed into his arms and the penguin… well, he was still cowering.

"Crimson! I thought you were going to check in later!" Yukiyo grinned up at him, her hands ruffling his suit and tie.

"That is because I missed you, Princess." his eyes narrowed at Excalibur, he was still in the corner, "I thought I told you to get out of there."

"I don't have to listen to you! My legend begins in the 12th centur-" he was cut short; multiple blades were aimed at his throat before they whacked him like a baseball bat.

"Excalibur!" Yukiyo reached out for him, only to be pulled back.

"I-is he alright?" the students stared in shock and in pity, but all thoughts of sympathy disappeared when Excalibur stuck his head up, giving a thumbs up, sparkles and flowers dancing around him.

"Please come to my reading session."

By now, the entire class had the world famous Excalibur face adorned.  
"It's fine, Princess. Look," Crimson held up the weapon by the scruff of his neck, "I just gave him a hotdog with lots of ketchup. I gave it to him too fast so you didn't see it and he ate so fast that it got really messy! That's why he's all red right now, alright?"

"Oh… I see. Get better ketchup, this brand is watery."

"Understood, Princess." he grinned at the class, "Can someone please show my Princess around? She's new to this school and has a terrible sense of direction. How about you, Miss Maka Albarn?"

"EH? But I have extra lessons toda-"

"You won't?" Crimson pouted, his eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed just slightly, of course, you could not miss the fact that his hand had smashed through Professor Stein's table, "Not even for me, the amazing Crimson?" at this point, his 'pout' had turned into a sneer that could easily be passed off as 'Most Chilling Moment of All Eternity.'

"Y-yes!"

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Now, I'll end it here, remember, this story is all parody and humor… there will be tragedy as well as romance in here but only hints of it. Also, this will be based on CHARACTERS in the manga only, besides the OCs, so there will be no Hiro who wields Excalibur or anything. Also, if you are reading this, you should be able to kind of guess why Crimson keeps calling Yukiyo a Princess. Hint : Yukiyo's armwarmer has a distinct pattern.


End file.
